Current bf is mad I’m still grieving

2021.12.06 12:10 Ponybaby34 Current bf is mad I’m still grieving

Hello,
I’m a 26 year old who got a divorce after three years, continued to see them for a year afterwards intermittently, and had my final break up/“no, we aren’t going to reconcile” in September.
I saw my ex’s car outside of a restaurant myself and my new bf were going to. They were parked there because they work nearby. It’s a small town. I wanted to leave the restaurant quickly after we finished eating because I knew my ex would soon get off work and I didn’t want to be walking out at the same time that my ex was walking out of their work and risk seeing each other on the street.
My bf got actually mad at me. He said it feels awful that I’m still sad about my divorce when he’s doing all he can to make me happy. I asked him, “would you say that to someone whose husband had died?” And he said, “your ex didn’t die. It’s completely different.”
After talking more about it we figured out why he gets frustrated/angry when someone is crying/upset- family trauma regarding soothing.
The thing is, he insists that no one he knows who is divorced still grieves their marriage this long after it ended. I pointed out that the last break up was in September. He doesn’t seem to understand what that means in terms of, when the loss actually took place.
I told him as the one who actually was married and who goes to therapy about this, I know it’s actually not something you just “get over” once you have a new partner.
I’m posting here to ask if anyone else has dealt with a new partner getting frustrated at your grief and if so, how you handled that situation.
To me it’s absolutely bonkers to take someone else’s pain personally but to him he thinks that my still being sad means he’s not good enough, or could never be good enough.
He keeps telling me to “let it go” but there’s literally no more loss I have left. I already lost everything. I don’t have anything left to release.
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Below is a list of the deltas awarded in this post.
Please note that a change of view is not necessarily a reversal, and that OP awarding a delta doesn't mean the conversation has ended.
For a full explanation of the delta system, see here.
Deltas from OP Killerzqp None yet.
Deltas from Other Users

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